NOT ENOUGH.
- A statement that is often charged with high levels of shame, disappointment, and fear.
- But what if it could be neutral or, even better yet, freeing.
Most of the time people do not define the rest of the statement.
Not enough FOR WHAT?
It makes a difference – a big difference.
And at the end of this blog, there are 4 simple fill-in-the-blanks to assist you in making that difference.
EXAMPLES OF THE WEIGHT OF NOT ENOUGH
For instance, Robert constantly feels not enough at work. He has taken on a recent increase in the size of his company. He is struggling under the pressure of all the increased demands. He interprets this experience through shame and doubt.
He thinks things like, “I am not enough. I can’t make it happen. I will never realize my dream.”
He sinks into deep disappointment and begins to hide from himself and others, further compounding the unfulfilled demands.
Or take Susan. Susan was in love with a man who seemed to enjoy and love her. Yet, just 2 months ago, he left. When he did, he shared some vague story about how it just won’t work.
Without clarity, she suffers with her own thoughts.
She thinks, “I am not enough. No one will love me. I don’t even know why I try.”
She shrinks back from dating which reaffirms her suspicions.
GETTING SPECIFIC, CLEAR, AND FREE
Both Robert and Susan could be served by actually finishing the statement, “I am not enough TO _______________________.”
When Robert took the time to really explore what he was not enough for, he discovered he was not enough to consistently work 10+ hour days and excel in aspects of his business that are not his strength or skill set.
Instead of feelings of shame around “I am not enough”, he was able to embrace feelings of acceptance around “I am not enough to reach my business goals all by myself”
This gave him empowered him to engage coaching, delegation, and systems that served him and his business growth.
Susan took time to finish the statement, “I am not enough____________” and realized that her ex boyfriend had constantly shared how he was not ready for a commitment. He liked freedom and had expressed fears of intimacy.
Susan was not enough to change another person’s commitment, priorities and fears. As a child, she had always hoped to change her mother’s desire to never be home. She was always working or running errands, avoiding the intimacy of being – especially being at home.
Susan was beginning to accept her mom’s and ex-boyfriend’s choices to avoid and leave weren’t based on a deficit in her freed her from shame.
The statement “I am not enough to make someone stay if he/she does not want to” gave her a profound acceptance and release from the self hatred she had felt before.
This acceptance also opened her up for relationships in which people wanted connection and intimacy. They valued what commitment in relationship offered.
Her value for commitment was not enough. She needed both people to share a value for commitment in relationship and was unwilling to drag someone along who was resistant to developing true intimacy.
Through these examples, you can see the statement, I am not enough, can have drastically different effects depending on how you interpret and complete the sentence. It can either bind you in shame or free you to make powerful and supportive choices.
When we accept our humanity we have the opportunity to optimize our lives, businesses, and relationships.
GETTING CLEAR FOR YOURSELF
Take a look in your thought patterns, Where might your thoughts be revolving around “I am not enough”. Stuck in a muddied sense of shame, unworthiness, or frustration.
Fill in the blanks below to find clarity and very possibly an acceptance that leads to freedom.
I am not enough to ______________________________.
If I accept that I am not enough for this, I could benefit by ____________________________________.
In understanding this, I could support myself and/or my endeavors and/or my relationships by ____________________________________.
I am enough to _________________________________.