My recent FB live and following notes:)
Relationship Crisis Care: How Tending To Your Heart and Soul Right NOW is your LIFELINE
When we cope instead of connect with our own heart and soul, then our relationships are bound for a coping mechanism clash.
The coping mechanism is there to keep us safe from the underlying emotional experience. But they inhibit us from being with the other person in their emotional experience, genuine understanding, and authentic connection.
DISAPPOINTMENT:
- high high then low
- taps into a underlying sense of powerlessness
- grief, including denial, anger, sadness, bargaining, acceptance
Bargaining – can get stuck in “if I hadn’t, I should have, I shouldn’t have…I think the Lord told me not to, my intuition said I shouldn’t”. Scrambling for some control over the loss.
Instead, look at what you can review about the pattern not the decisions.
For you to get the most out of these emotional signals, your relationship with yourself will have to be compassionate and curious. If you were trained to cope instead of feel your emotion of disappointment, it may look something like this:
- Reframe, I want the momentum energy of positive focus. Not going to understand myself, not develop self awareness and basically run on fumes.
- Self doubt. Constant state of disappointment, so that you dont have to FEEL disappointment. Excuse oneself from trying or hoping to avoid disappointment.
- Ideal attachment: “I will make this work” One buckles down into workaholism and forced effort while ignoring feedback from the market or others. This is a striving to prove that one is not powerless to the loss.
- Blaming others. This coping mechanism reinforces powerlessness. One keeps appointing similar characters or patterns who demonstrate no consistency in fulfilling expectations. This can result in trying to change the other person and can be a means to protect oneself from being disappointed in oneself because he/she does not have the compassionate bandwidth to look inward.
Skills to process disappointment
3 step process for emotions
- Receive and respect
- Reintegrate and regulated
- Resilience and resourcefulness
We can be disappointed in:
- another
- self
- an ideal
Gaining the clues from our own heart and soul is WHAT WE NEED RIGHT NOW.
Disappointment will give you access to:
- Clarifying your personal values and desires
- Acknowledging where you misappointed yourself or others
- Power to be empathetically present with others in their losses
- Resilience in the redirection of your energy
Why is disappointment painful for you?
Which coping mechanism to avoid disappointment is your favorite?
Who have you misappointed in your life? How did you know?
Who has misappointed you? How? Why was this a misappointment?