I am frustrated, irritated, and, well, angry. I had said I needed time to work on my business. Now, grumpily, I am, yet again, sweeping the floor and throwing clothes in the laundry. I feel consumed by household chores and my business needs my attention. I can feel the boiling lava in my soul. Suffice to say, I am not happy.
This is good news. Really good news. I am getting enough fire in my bones to come up with new solutions, reestablish routines, and give myself a chance to get what I have been saying I really want. I want to take the next step in business growth because, well, just because. I can feel it.
I don’t need to justify or rationalize my desire. My business may grow or may not grow, but I know that if I don’t give it a try this month, I will continue to NOT BE HAPPY. Therefore NOT BEING HAPPY is the best thing I could experience.
“Not happy” is our mojo
The accumulation of “not happy” that lets me know that I need to make the adjustments. Now, adjustments come in all shapes, sizes, and depths. I could change my schedule, I could change my communication, I could change my boundaries, or I could change my own perspective. All of these changes will take some energy, effort, and time.
If I force a premature contentment, I will likely miss the message of my “not happy”. Therefore I will miss my moments, my experiences, and unfortunately, I will miss my self. My “Not happy” could be the very breakthrough for which I have been asking.
Too many times I see people force gratitude, talk themselves out of their own desires, require justifications or validations for everything they do, and then fake a smile. This is not the joy promised us. I believe the joy promised us includes some “not happy” indicators.
“Not happy” empowers the ask
Notice that often when a child wants to go to a friend’s house, we may tell her to just be happy that she has a sibling with whom to play. Or when a child asks for a side of fries, we may tell him that he should be grateful that he got a burger in the first place. It’s as if we are offended at our children’s asking.
Unfortunately, offense at a child’s request trains them to be insincerely happy, and not to ask. Asking is an essential life skill and one of the essential principles of relationship with God and a precursor to joy. I do not believe we need to be at a child’s beck and call, nor do we need to accommodate every request, but too often we are offended that they asked in the first place. This is where we must learn the art of accepting a variety of desires without having to fulfill every one.
Insincere vs Genuine Happiness
It is important to look: Are we more interested in our children or ourselves being insincerely, functionally happy or unhappy on the way to genuine happy? Our answer will dramatically affect the way we interact with our hearts, our levels of joy, and our ability to have the experiences we desire. There is a big difference in quieting the symptoms and finding a cure.
False happiness can lead to wasted time and energy, poor relationships, and even addictions. It is common for people to attempt to cope with unhappiness instead of understand, ask, and allow it to line one up with what he/she really wants. What we really want may require change, sacrifice, or consistent effort. Therefore, we would be better off not pretending and letting our unhappiness fuel us.
My unhappiness got me to my desk. I am taking another step in my business, because I wasn’t happy picking up laundry this morning. In about two hours, I will not be happy with still sitting at my desk. I will be unhappy because I will be missing my daughter’s gymnastics class. That unhappiness is currently driving me to stay focused and effectively complete my tasks in the office. Then I will happily take a lunch break to see her play.
Today, I am really grateful I didn’t force a smile as I swept the floor. I am really happy I wasn’t happy.