Sometimes my desires make me feel like a kid in a candy shop. I want this and this and well….this looks good too. I actually want it all – and now. Yes, now would be nice.
Thankfully we all have some “coins” in our hands. Time, money, focus, and/or energy all contribute to the coins we hold. The amount of coins may not be equal, and it is surely not unlimited, but thankfully, if we are living and breathing, we have some. What we do with those coins, may or may not truly reflect the wholehearted desires of the heart. The more awareness and honor we offer our desires, the greater wisdom in spending our coins and the greater fulfillment we achieve.
Desire Conflict
For years, my desires seemed complicated and competitive. I wanted to work, but I wanted to be a stay at home mom. I wanted to have adventure but I wanted to have security. I wanted to be a cultural influence but I didn’t want the backlash of upsetting the current culture of my community. So no matter what I chose, it seemed as if there was a part of me unhappy.
I would try to force myself to be happy with an option. I would try a gratitude journal to list all the reasons I should be grateful. I would make up stories about why I didn’t really want what I didn’t have. But desires are hard to shake and they are designed to be that way. Desires cannot be stuffed, denied, or manipulated and they will not play inauthentic games.
Desires are tenacious about fulfillment because desires are your access to a blossoming tree of life. They are intended to get your life working well, so well, in fact that you shine vibrantly and enthusiastically.
Harmonizing Our Desires
Knowing what those desires are and how they can work together to accomplish this is a process that will ask nearly everything of you. You will need to know your desires with a depth, clarity, and variety that may surprise you. If you are curious how process could work for you, check out the Coached for Clarity sessions I offer.
Below, notice how much variety in just these three areas can benefit but also challenge us to harmonize our desires:
- Variety of emotions. We may have desires to feel a number of things, such as safe, restful, playful, courageous, alive, enthusiastic, reflective, spiritual, grounded, prepared, spontaneous. Our perspectives and choices often limit our emotional experiences instead of opening us up to a variety of emotional experiences. We do not have to chose one emotion at the expense of another. Emotions are intended to flow and complement each other. For instance, in events that I host I like to be well prepared and spontaneous. I believed the preparation helped things run smoothly and efficiently but the spontaneity would offer some excitement and connection from those in the audience. The desires seemed to be in conflict. Greater awareness of what I really wanted to create allowed me to facilitate a harmony of experiences. Now when I lead, I teach well prepared material and then I always facilitate group exercises where anything can happen.
- Variety of seasons. There are seasons to be single, to be married, to have children, to empty nest. There are seasons to conceive a business, build a business, expand a business, reorganize a business, and sell a business. Many times, I have tried to hold on to seasons way too long and I have tried to rush seasons I am not yet in. To engage in your present season, you must develop acceptance of the past and patience for the future. Both of which are far easier said than done. To truly accept our past, we often have to grieve (not shame, blame, or overanalyze) the seasons we mishandled or missed in the past. To cultivate patience, we have to develop a trust that we will be prepared and take action when the season is fitting. Honoring the desires of the whole heart may require us to not spend today at the expense of preparing for tomorrow. The whole heart will also not ask us to prepare for tomorrow at the expense of experiencing today. The heart takes into account all of our living. To optimize what we want, the process requires us to honor the past, present, and future aspects of our desires.
- Variety of priorities. Priorities are one of the most gracious and guiding factors regarding the desires of the heart. Our priorities provide the gift of choosing and allowing satisfaction. We will not visit every place on the planet, we will not eat at every restaurant on the coast, we will not marry every person in the country. We will choose. When my husband spends time with me, it matters because I know he has limited time and he chooses me. By design our lives are limited. What clarifies and simplifies our desires is the desire to prioritize the desires. If I value being kind to myself and my kids, then I won’t over schedule us. If I value authenticity, then I will be honest about my commitment level on a particular idea and may say no even if it interests me. If I value the health of my heart, then I will seek a deeper clarity and invest in my heart accordingly. My priorities streamline my desires. Therefore, certain desires will submit and yield to the desires of greater priority. Desires do cost us. Desires cost us time, money, focus – “coins” – yet the more we harmonize the desires, the more effectively we spend what we have in our hands.
The process of living wholeheartedly is an ART. We don’t create a masterpiece in a day, but we surely don’t create a masterpiece if we don’t start. Masterpieces take practice and more practice. Masterpieces require skill but also creative ingenuity. Masterpieces leave splashes of paint and chips of rock scattered on the floor but they also leave a beautiful celebration of artistry. May the harmonizing of the desires of your whole heart contribute to the masterpiece of life you are living.
PS EXERCISE
As an exercise, write down the the first 15 desires that come to mind. Then next to them write why they are important to you. Continue to ask why this is important to you. Notice any themes. Consider fresh and workable ways to harmonize those desires.