Guarding the Heart
What do you guard? Do you lock the doors of your house? Do you place your money in a bank? Do you hand a baby your pearls? We guard things that have value to us, things that belong to us, and things that require attentive respect and care. Your heart is a perfect example. It is valuable (ancient wisdom tells us that everything in life flows from the heart), belongs to you (well, it is yours), and requires your attentive respect and care (a heart can be broken, crushed, shattered, and hardened when exposed to abuse or neglect). Even the physical heart stays soft because it is surrounded by the protective rib cage.
I rarely guarded my heart. I expected it just to give and give and give – that’s what hearts do right? Plus someone else would love my heart – Prince Charming maybe? I didn’t even know how to steward my heart and that cost me. I gave it away, I hardened it, I broke it off in pieces, I pushed it harder to love others in order to be loved. And as you may have guessed by the title of the blog, I have come to realize that my heart needed my value, ownership, respect, and care – it needed my guardianship.
Your heart is yearning to be be guarded by you. Your heart knows that with your proper guardianship, it can maintain its tenderness (its strength) and offer you immense benefits. These benefits include a consistent compassion, a well-spring of life,energy, & health, as well as sustainable & authentic relationships.
Many people may attempt to “guard” their hearts but cutting people out of their lives, by removing contacts from their phones, pushing people away with judgments & hard responses, or just avoiding relationships with lame excuses. This is hardening not guarding. These “boundaries” are often only physical or reactionary in nature. These boundaries don’t serve the integrity and intentions of the heart, nor do the boundaries resolve the underlying hooks that got them hurt in painful relationships in the first place.
Out of frustration and pain, I finally decided to pursue my own heart at the expense of nearly everything else. I downsized my home and expenses, I simplified my schedule, I minimized my investment in even important relationships; so my priority could be my heart. It was a risky, messy, and awkward move. I did it this way because I had no idea how to recapture my heart. I don’t believe your investment has to be as drastic or radical as mine, but it does have to happen with passion, consistently, and increasing skill. I had no idea how much I distanced from my heart or how hard I was on my heart. Yet once I gave myself a chance to see and feel the pain of it, it all made sense. I have not regretted investing in the shift in the relationship I had with myself at my core – from this Art of the Heart was birthed.
Art of the Heart facilitates the reawakening of truth in one’s innermost being to access the heart’s integrity and intentions. The emotional and relational boundaries will then flow from the value and respect for the heart. We protect the heart so that it can continue to receive and offer love and compassion. We protect the heart so it can authentically say no or yes without the fear of rejection or shame. We don’t criticize the heart for its tender affection and longings, we simply protect it with wisdom, appreciation, and healthy ownership.
The heart yearns for relationship as it is the center of love and connection. This is a strength and not a weakness to the human race. We are social from birth and are designed for relationship. Unfortunately, children’s vulnerabilities are often met with shame, ignorance, neglect, or misunderstanding. Then the child hardens to stop the pain. This makes sense for a powerless child, yet as adults our hearts cry out to us to resolve the past wounds, redefine our response to our vulnerabilities, and open to love all over again. If we take ownership of the relationship we have with our hearts, we have the privilege of allowing the heart to soften and blossom anew.
We are best not to demand our heart to love. Instead we are to cultivate love patiently and consistently. Sincere & unconditional love is the optimal support to allow the heart to be vulnerable to our pain & resolve our wounds. Our hearts must be guarded by love to even consider authentic vulnerability. It is a risk to soften again. I personally want to know that when I soften – value, respect, and care will be surrounding (guarding) my heart and its healing process.
To maintain the heart’s vulnerabilities to tender love, we must protect it from:
- Manipulation Intermittent favor or unsubstantiated promises that could lead to confusion or compromises to one’s integrity.
- Condemnation Being marked indelibly as wrong, bad, evil , or unworthy; including nonredeemable shame/blame.
- Disrespect for needs and wants Neglecting or abusing one’s physical, emotional, psychological, relational needs/wants, etc.
- Steamrolling Dictates and directives from outside of the heart. Telling the heart what it should do or feel but unaware of the heart’s truest essence and desires.
- Desensitization A hopeless refusal to feel pain as well as resistance to tenderize for fear of future pain. In this state, one begins to accommodate pain as one’s perpetual reality.
- Comparison Evaluating one’s worth based upon arbitrary standards that one perceives in others. This focus ignores the inherent value and diminishes the unique expression of the heart.
Each one of these attacks on the tenderness of our heart can be painful, demoralizing, and even crushing. Many times people experience them in combination and magnification, no wonder hearts harden!
Love rejoices in truth. Love is consistent. Love believes the best. Love delights in the fulfillment of one’s needs and wants. Love listens. Love empathizes. Love heals. Love endures with patience.
When we guard our hearts with love, we come alive from the heart. When we come alive from the heart, we invite others to consider doing the same. When together people become alive from the heart, they build authentic respectful relationships – and that my friends makes life rich!
May you be ever more aware of how valuable, honorable, and beautiful your heart is!
Sincerely,
