Tenderhearted Answers for Worksheets

Thank you for joining us for Tenderhearted Thursdays! You will get the most out of the sessions if you fill out the weekly worksheets and ask your heart the challenging questions. Sometimes the questions we want to skip are the most important for us to answer.  You will receive the PDF of the worksheets by entering your email address at http://eepurl.com/dAF50D. The majority of questions are for your own heart and soul to answer, yet the fill in the blank answers are down below.

May the softening of your heart increase the love you experience! 

 

Week Session 1: Understanding the hardening and softening of heart

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We must accept that we have all hardened our hearts to some extent.

 

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We harden most often in situations where we feel powerless to maintain boundaries.

The hardening can then become a pattern.

God has compassion on hard hearts.

The love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. Romans 5:5

With such love given, our challenge is to receive it.

 

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List some costs of a hard heart here:

1. difficult to trust appropriately
2. unable to see or understand
3. cannot change or heal effectively

 

Week 2: The Value and Power of a Tender Heart

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An abundance of ___mercy_____ brings the dead place of our hearts ____alive____.

There are many ___misconceptions_______ revolving around tenderness.

1. Tenderness will make us ____weak_______.
2. Tenderness breeds  ___apathy___.
3. Tenderness will make us _____lose________ in the game of life.

Before we try to pour out mercy to the ____world______, we must practice true mercy on  ______ourselves_______.

 

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___Love_______ is a much stronger long term motivation than __fear________.

I am convinced that ____love_______is the most durable ____power____ in the world.   Martin Luther King, Jr.

Through tender mercy, I value the experience of honor, love, and appreciation in __connection_______ more than immediate ___pain_______ avoidance

I am present to validate, hear, and respect various view points without an __agenda_____ or having to be ___right____.

I do not need to force myself or the world to be __different____ to receive my ___love______.

I discover the root of my wounds and I am ___patient_____ and _____present____ to heal them deeply.

I come ___alive____through _____tenderness_____.

 

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I access ____courage______ from the unconditional love and support. I show up whole and am willing to dig in the dirt of ____reality_____ and risk the attempts of new _____possibilities_____.

 

Week 3: Respectful boundaries Honor the Tenderness of the Heart

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“Above all else, __guard___ your heart,
for __everything_____ you do flows from it.”   Proverbs 4:23

One needs to guard one’s heart from experiences such as:

1. Manipulation (Intermittent favor or unsubstantiated promises that could lead to confusion or compromises to one’s integrity)
2. Condemnation ( Marked indefinably as wrong, bad, evil , or unworthy; including unredeemable shame/blame direct or indirect (gossip))
3. Disrespect for needs and wants (Neglecting or abusing one’s physical, emotional, psychological, relational needs/wants, etc)
4. Steamrolling (Dictates and directives outside of the heart, unaware of the heart’s truest essence and desires)
5. Desensitization (A hopeless refusal to feel pain and resistance to tenderize for fear of future pain. We begin to accommodate pain as our perpetual reality – aka )

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This early stage of development is often called the absorbent stage, where what he/she experiences is received as truth.

That is why we must become like little children to receive the kingdom. Matthew 18:3

To undo the hardening and receive mercy, one needs to notice where one resists feeling, compassionately accept the vulnerability to receive, and develop such a value for tenderness that one cultivates respectful boundaries.

How Christ maintained respectful boundaries:

1. Not over- trusting.
2. Took care of personal needs/wants.
3. Responded to personal direction versus people’s demands.
4. Required mutuality in relationships.
5. Expressed anger

A great way to know boundary violation is anger.

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If we don’t allow anger to clarify our true values & hold us accountable to change the way we relate, we may find our heart hardens:

1. to fight off violations ineffectively by exploding, blaming, and shaming others. This serves to further reinforce that people are dangerous and should not be felt or given permission to get close.
2. as it shrinks back in self doubt and guilt. One tries to fanatically find and fix something wrong with oneself to avoid pursuing the necessary clarity and changes. Compassion for self or others is not developed.
3. through freezing as it enters into depression. Seen or unseen, one may depress all feelings to avoid the uncomfortable changes anger is requesting one confronts, clarifies, and takes action upon. Passion is quenched.
4. as resentment settles underneath. Resentment is a way to reinforce powerlessness (lack of responsibility) and appease but at the same time blame others, again without clarity or requiring ourselves to reclaim personal integrity. Resentment seeks the appearance of kindness while hardening with a sense of powerlessness at the core.

 

Week 3: Being good to yourself benefits everyone

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“In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you _____want______them to treat ___you____….” Matthew 7:12

Treat – the way in which you behave or deal with someone

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Love your neighbor as _yourself_.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:30-31

¹⁶ For out of His fullness [the superabundance of His grace and truth] we have all received ___grace upon grace __ [spiritual blessing upon spiritual blessing, favor upon favor, and gift heaped upon gift]. John 1:16 AMP, also see Romans 6:15 & 1 Peter 1:2

Reasons one may fear continual goodness:

1. ___Disappointment_______ – unprepared for the bad, out of control, life cannot be this good (suspicious)
2. ____Deception__________ – Believing pleasure in the moment will lead to consequences or condemnation.
3. ____Dishonor____________ – Seen as weak or needy.
4. ____Lack of Discipline______ – Experiencing discipline as hindering our experience of goodness versus facilitating it.

Week 5: Tenderizing Our Hearts to the Special and Sacred Place of Childhood

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…. “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 18:3

We must embrace our own childhood and childlikeness to have the full embodiment of value and compassion for children.

When we neglect the impact of our own childhood, we ignore the power of generational momentum (for positive or negative) and we harden to the effects we have on the tender hearts of the next generation.

Childhood is sacred because it deeply influences the heart.

“Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God.

See that you do not despise one of these little ones.

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Amen, I say to you, whatever you did for one of these least brothers of mine, you did for me.

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Many people do not challenge the familial patterns because they:

1. Fear the unknown.
2. Fear the loss of cognitive control.
3. Fear of recognizing your own dysfunction.
4. Fear the disapproval of mom or dad.
5. Fear the loss of the love they idealized.
6. Fear the consequences or stigma of disloyalty.

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Guarding against the danger of “do what they say not what they do” is important because what we do patterns the hearts of those entrusted to us.

 

 

Week 6: Sustaining the Heart as a Priority

For physical training is of some value, but godliness (spiritual training) is of value in everything & in every way, since it holds promise for the present life & the life to come.

1 Timothy 4:8 AMP

Reasons one may be hesitant to” workout”:

1. Impatience
2. Over obligation and therefore lack of energy
3. Unconvinced of benefits
4. Unclear or ungrounded on our why
5. Expect performance without maintenance
6. Fear being perceived as selfish
7. Seen training abused

Guard your heart… Proverbs 4:23

Where your treasure is there your heart is also. Matthew 6:21