Anger’s Benefits

Anger is like fire – its effects are a result of how you use it. When I talk about the emotion of anger, I am referring to the feeling – not actions in response to the feeling. People can respond to anger by choosing actions that are problematic or beneficial. Because anger is a highly energized emotion, many are afraid of the emotion. Yet, our greatest fear should be in how people process and react to anger not the feeling itself.

Anger is essential for individuation. Anger also moves people to find workable solutions, fight for important causes, and recognize when a process of forgiveness may be needed. People who get angry can be passionate courageous people.

Anger can also have devastating effects, just like fire. One can turn fire inward causing self hatred and depression. People can use the energy of anger to hurt others, blame others, or excuse their unwillingness to forgive. These poor coping strategies can lead to years or generations of suffering as well as some the most devastating brutality.

 

Four ways anger benefits my life.

1. I know myself better. Anger is essential to self differentiation. This is why anger is one of the most common emotions in toddlers and teenagers (stages where we are attempting to assert some independence). Who am I and what matters to me can be recognized by feelings of anger. Anger is also a symbol that something is wrong, off, not ok. If someone steals from you, attacks you, and/or violates your rights, you will likely feel angry. The anger is signaling that something important to you has been wronged in some way. Knowing exactly what that is and why that matters to you, is an art – I would dare say an Art of the Heart. Properly identifying the cause of anger (which may be current and/or historical) provides great insights into the values of an individual.
2. I am angergized (a combination of anger and energy)to find a better resolution. “This is not working for me,” is one of the important messages of anger. Anger has an energizing effect and that can motivate us to do better for ourselves and others. The anger does not want us to take it anymore, does not want us to apathetically disengage, especially with our own life. Also, anger can be an important emotion in helping someone break free of an abusive situation.
3. I take greater responsibility. Once we recognize something really matters to us and that we are the ones with the energy to do something about it, we are now held responsible. The feeling of anger asks us to own the change we desire. The nation was founded by people angry that they had no taxation without representation, the anger fueled requests, requirements, and then finally a revolution. The people of what was to be the United States of America became angry with the violation of being used but not being heard. A voice in their governance was important to them, so important in fact that may placed their lives on the lines for it. Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King, Jr were angry at civil right injustices.  They were inspired to take action toward unifying blacks and whites for the causes of equality. The progress they made without violence is remarkable and that is one of the reasons they are so honored and respected today.
4. Anger is the first step to forgiveness. Once we recognize a trespass and why it matters to us, we can take the first step toward forgiveness. If we don’t acknowledge and recognize the violation we will not know what we are forgiving and how much it cost us. Without identifying the anger, we will likely excuse other’s behavior and consistently feel violated.

 

Three ways anger can destroy one’s life.

1. One turns it inward (depression). Being angry at oneself can be a common coping mechanism used to avoid being shamed for anger towards others or feeling inadequate in our anger toward others. People often get angry with themselves for things over which they have no control and therefore no hopes to resolution. This becomes very demotivating and therefore depressing.
2. One hurts others. Sometimes people use the energy of anger to justify hurting another with words, actions, or attitudes. These reactions to anger perpetuate boundary violations. One can create a lot of destruction and blame that on feelings of anger. No matter how angry we may feel, anger never justifies violating the boundaries of others.
3. One blames others for his/her anger. Anger and any emotion is something that arises in and is the responsibility of the one who feels it. Others can influence or emotions yet the clarity and insights of the emotion are best discovered by going inward. If one avoids responsibility for your anger, one also hands over any potential resolutions by placing the blame on others.
4. One holds onto anger. Someone can hold onto anger in hopes of protecting oneself. The emotion of anger is intended to reestablish a clear boundary, not stay in a place of violation.  If anger festers without resolve it becomes problematic. One can get stuck in a state of anger due to choice or poor emotional skills, preventing the process of clarity and forgiveness. Even if an individual attempts to suppress the anger, it will just take various forms of resentment, bitterness, or displaced rage.

Watch Lize Marie from Two Amigos interview me on this very subject!